Today, I am writing from my dining room area. The clouds are rolling in the metroplex. There is no sunshine in site, but it feels so cozy, so peaceful, and simply amazing to be HOME. Ive always prayed that one day when I finally had my own house, that it would be a place of peace and rest for not only myself, but for my family, and for every person that walked in the door. Hey… mission accomplished. There are so many days that I love my home so much that I never want to leave, and thats quite alright with me.
Ive had a bit of down time over the last few days, and down time always leaves me “thinking”, pondering on my life.. and the grace of God. You may find that I write a lot about the grace of my Savior… and I am unapologetic for that. Just as Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 15:10 .. “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them–yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.” Grace is what redeemed my life, and I am forever grateful.
Every kick, every move, every day that I look into the mirror and see my belly growing, I see a miracle. I see grace. I see love. I see redemption. For those of you who know my story, you know that I have been longing for this day to come, when I could experience child birth again. As I look over my journey, I can see that God has restored every bit of brokenness that once was… From divorce, to depression, to abuse, to death… I lived so shattered for so long… and yet now I stand and see that through surrendering my life to Jesus and his will, He took every wandering piece and restored it. He made it better than before. As Ive shared my story in the past, I was able to express how the Lord had brought everything full circle… yet there was always one part where I dreamed of the day that I would be able to see it come full circle… that being the pregnancy. Well, now I am here again… but this time around it is so different. Before, I was a 17 year old broken young girl…pregnant out of wedlock, ashamed, searching, confused…trying to make everything right in my own way…but we all know that never works.
Now, here I am, serving the Lord. I am happy and whole. I have a husband that supports me in every way. There isn’t a day that goes by he isn’t grabbing my belly just to talk to Evie and let her know that Daddy is here. Evie is growing day by day. She is healthy… and I am happy to announce that I am one month passed the last time I was pregnant and went into labor with Micah. I feel like Ive conquered a milestone. The doctors said that if you have a history of going into pre term labor, your chances of going into labor even earlier than before increase greatly, usually by a whole month. But not me… not this time around. God has given me peace.. and casted out every ounce of fear. I am 30 weeks people! I have 9 weeks to go. I can’t help but to give all the glory and honor and praise to the One who has made everything new. When I saw Evie’s 4D picture.. I saw her move at the sound of our voices. I saw her heart beating… I saw those sweet eyes open…ahh my heart. As I laid there on the table.. I couldn’t help but picture the old rugged cross. The place where every ounce of shame, every ounce of death, was defeated…so that years later, I could get up from my past and start over again. Jesus Christ is good. He is great. He is the reason I live today.
So every time you see me post photos of my belly, or you hear me talk about Evie… its truly my personal praise report. Ill never forget where, who I once was. I pray that to any one who has lost hope.. or feels like you have done something so “BAD” that you are disqualified to receive grace, let my life be an example that its not over. Jesus loves you… His grace is and will always be available for you. Surrender every detail and watch the miracles unfold before your eyes.
My little angel. Look at those sweet little lips.. Oh y’all get ready! I am going to be THAT MOM… no shame!