September 21 somewhat felt like deja vu.
Contractions had begun a few weeks prior, but gradually grew closer and closer as the days passed. 11 minutes, 9 minutes, 13 minutes… before I knew it, 8 minutes, 6 minutes, 7 minutes… Were these Braxton Hix contractions? Or were these legit “I’m in labor” contractions? The question of all questions of a prego, and how in the world do you know the difference?
I never had either with Evie or Nnaj. However, this feeling felt familiar because I experienced this with Micah, my firstborn, 12 years earlier.
For those of you who are unaware, when I was 17 years old, I became a statistic of teen pregnancy. Pastors daughter, trapped in an unhealthy relationship that I couldn’t seem to escape. After 3 years, I found myself pregnant out of wedlock, only to carry my baby boy, Micah, for 32 weeks. I went into early labor on Christmas Eve of 2005. Pressure, contractions, were signs that led me to believe something was happening. After sitting in Applebee’s, while visiting a friend that came into town, the pressure seemed to interrupt our conversation. I took a break to visit the bathroom, only to realize, I was about to deliver my baby. My sister, my heart, Meshali, was with me that day. She rushed me to the local hospital and physically led me into the ER. Her body was my support, as I limped my way through those sliding doors, barely able to stand to walk. A few minutes passed, and the next thing I knew, I was checked into a room, told I was dilated at a 10, and ready to push. They pumped me with meds to stop the labor, but it was too late. Doctors, nurses, rushed in the room. Chaos is an understatement. I felt my body naturally begin to push. They told me not to, however, it was as if my body was rebelling… Everything inside of me pushed. In a moment, my water broke. It was like a bomb. The impact was so great, Micah flipped and turned breech, and this is when mine and his little heart beat dropped. They pushed me down the hallway, where they were about to perform an emergency C-Section. They actually put me to sleep, and I eventually woke up to my personal “valley of the shadow of death..’ Micah had lost oxygen. The umbilical cord wrapped around his little body, and life offered me my stillborn baby boy.
I mentioned this story, to lead you to my next point.
Because of this specific incident in my life, my doctor never wanted me to actually go into labor again. I was and currently am considered “high risk”. Every pregnancy, the delivery date was scheduled a week prior from my due date. This helped me to avoid going into labor. Also, I made the decision to take progesterone shots, to keep my levels high, to prevent early labor. This technique actually worked with Evie and Nnaj, but I guess Remi knew she would be our last, and wanted to go out with a bang.
September 21,
the contractions increased.
I didn’t want to be an alarmist, so although everyone was telling me “go to the doctor,” my response was “I don’t want to go in, only for them to send me home,” therefore, I stayed home.
Robert was scheduled to preach at Bethel Conference in Cali. He flew out that morning. I gave him a kiss, told him not to worry about us. The kids and I would be just fine, and would be here when he got home. Something deep inside told me that I could possibly go into labor, so I asked my mother in love to come stay with the kids and I, JUST IN CASE. Honey Gram came to the rescue, as always. When she walked in from work, she insisted on me going to the ER. We continued to time the contractions, closer and closer they drew.
My sister, Meshali, was traveling in from Tennessee. Missing the babies so much, she decided to stop by and see us.
She came in the house, and after updating her with everything, she insisted on us going. I was hungry and wanted Chilis. Her and Honey Gram called me crazy. I called me hangry, not eating was NOT AN OPTION. We picked up the food, I ate, packed an overnight bag, kissed my babies, and headed to the ER. I assumed I would be right back.
Shali and I walked into the ER, got checked in, and was wheeled to the women’s center.
As the nurse came to examine me, she said, “well, you’re dilated at a 2-3.”
To me, that was a shocker.
They would keep me another hour to see if I would continue to dilate, and if I did, they would admit me, and surgery would begin.
I immediately called Robert and told him the situation.
I couldn’t imagine them sending me home at this point, so we began the discussion of trying to get him a red eye home to make the delivery the next morning.
Because of my history, I have always preferred everything regarding birth to go as planned.
This night, nothing was going as planned.
Tears began to roll down my face as I thought about the possibility of not having Robert by my side to deliver our last little one.
In the meantime, the nurse informed me that my doctor, who had delivered Evie and Nnaj, was not on call, so another doctor would be delivering Remi, if I were to have the c section that night.
As I mentioned earlier, I am considered high risk, therefore I most definitely wanted my specific doctor because she knew my body, my previous incision, and every detail regarding my history. She would do anything and everything to provide me with a healthy baby and a healthy recovery.
An hour passed, the nurse came in for another examination, only to tell me, I had dilated to a full 3, almost 4, and they were going to take me into delivery.
The only red eye flight available wasn’t going to make it back in time.
I was quite emotional, but in the midst of it all, I had a supernatural peace.
God was in every detail, writing my story.
The nurse came back and told me that as she checked my charts, there was a sticky note placed on the folder that morning. It was a note from my doctor saying “if this patient goes into labor, whether I am on call or not, I want to deliver this baby.”
Before, the doctors and nurses said they didn’t want to bother my doctor. Well after seeing the note on my charts, they called her, although she wasn’t “on call”, and she came rushing in to greet and reminded me that everything was going to be okay.
Side note : to say I love my doctor, is an understatement. She has been a gift to our family from day one, and I am forever grateful for her.
She has been practicing for 30 + years, and this year will be her last.
From there, I called Robert again, and he had found a flight home. He wouldn’t make it back in time, but his voice, his words brought comfort to my soul.
He told me to stay calm, know that everything would be okay, and he would be there shortly.
I love my husband. Its situations like this particular one, revealing just how much he is my rock and security… he is my love, and I am forever grateful for his heart for our family, his desire to provide for us, his ability to be everything we need…
I realize women deliver babies every day without their husbands. However, in my situation, because of my history, I would be lying to say that every delivery, I don’t have to fight the cloud of fear that attempts to come and hover over my mind, constantly reminding me of what once happened. Therefore, having someone, my husband, who has walked the journey of healing with me, always brings that extra comfort.
At the end of the day, sometimes plans change, things happen, but I will say, God is in every detail, and in that I find comfort.
If I could choose any other human being to be in the room with me while I deliver my babies, I would 100% pick my sister, Meshali. To give you insight, she usually goes to Tennessee for at least 10 days, but on this particular trip, decided to come back early. The day she arrived back home, was the day my body led me into labor.
I look over, and she is sitting by my side. Sending out texts to the family, letting every one know the latest update, while also, bringing comforting words, and reminding me God, Emmanuel is with me.
As I lied in the hospital bed, my mind racing 90 to nothing, it hit me.
12 years earlier, it was her and I, same situation.
I was in labor. She was the one by my side.
All felt so familiar, but how would this chapter end?
Robert recently did a sermon, focusing in on the number 12.
12 is the number of Gods power and authority.
This year will make 12 years since Micah’s death.
Due to Remi being my 4th c-section, my doctor told me, this will have to be my last pregnancy, because every time they have cut into my uterus, it has weakened it. Therefore, if I carried another baby, there is a possibility my uterus would be too weak to hold the child, resulting in death for baby and myself.
So going into the hospital this time, I knew it would most likely be my last delivery.
Where am I going with this?
They took me back to surgery, and the process of delivering Remi girl began.
Within that time, Shali leaned over to me, and said “this is so special to me…its like God is bringing every thing full circle… to restore…bringing healing to us…”
As I thought about it, for so long, I carried the weight of Micah’s death… my own pain, not intentionally, almost made me forget that my family had to watch me suffer, and walked through it all as well. Their hearts were broken…they also needed healing.
Of course, tears in our eyes… we both felt the weight of what God was doing.
I cant necessarily prove it with my words, but trust me, HIS presence was there, so evident.
He is Alpha and Omega… the beginning and the end… he gives and he takes away.. He makes known the end from the beginning…
God was at work… proving Himself faithful… showing himself strong, and reminding us both that HE is in every detail.
He writes our stories… in such a way that you cannot deny it is HIM, alone, orchestrating our steps.
Remington Elaine Madu, born at 12:22 am, September 22,2017, 7lbs 14 oz. healthy and whole…
-my perfect angel-
We heard her cry, which is always the sweetest sound in the world. Its as if Heaven kisses Earth, a kiss from God Himself, as a reminder that HE entrusts me to be the mother to another one of HIS children.
Isn’t it a crazy thought? Our children belong to God before they belong to us. So many days I try to keep my hands on every situation, and God reminds me… “Taylor, they belong to me first… I love them more than you do… give them back to me today.”
Therefore, I live in a state of prayer, “ God, today, I give Evie, Nnaj, and Remi back to you.”
They handed Remi to Shali. I saw the joy… I could see the healing… I could feel the peace of God.
He wrapped us in his grace… just as Shali was holding Remi, God was holding her, holding me, the true love of a Father, the love of a Savior.
He works ALL things together for our good, doesn’t he?
God was pouring out himself in ways that we both needed.
Fast forward, Shali received a text from her mentor.
The text read,
‘As I was praying for Remi, I had a strong sense that she would be a prophet to this generation. She carries a strong message of reconciliation and restoration (full circle) things, even from her birth. There is a special touch on her life. There is something special on all 3 , Evie, Nnaj, and Remi, but I felt this specifically over Remi.”
God continuing to unfold the story…
12 years later, my final baby, the year of Gods power and authority, bringing everything full circle.
Robert rushed back, flew through the night and arrived early at 5:00am to greet me and Remi.
Daddy was missed, but he did everything he could, and we are so grateful.
When he walked in the door, all felt right in the world.
This was the day in a nutshell… and I had to share because it was too special to keep to myself.
Ultimately, my heart behind this post is to remind us all, surrender isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes we find it so hard to simply lay down the things that we feel God is saying to lay down. But ultimately it is for our good.
I chose to lay it all down 12 years ago… and when I did, he not only brought life and healing, but has restored every aspect, and exceeded what I thought I deserved.
He, my friends, is a good good Father.
Forever grateful.
169 Comments
I don’t have many words after reading this, but just know that this has touched my heart so deeply x
such a beautiful story! God bless you and your family
Thank you so much for sharing ! ♥️
Praise Jesus! It is 6:55am in Hawaii and my heart is overwhelmed with joy! I am laying in my bed in my hotel room crying and so touched by your story! I have followed your story for years now and every time you share I see the fingerprints of God and feel His presence! Thank you for always being so vulnerable and inviting thousands into your life! You have touched my life more than you know and have given me hope that someday I will get married and have a beautiful family! With love from Hawaii! -Melody
This post brought tears to my eyes. Especially the part you shared with your sister by your side. 2 of my baby sisters have cut off my family and I and I have missed a lot of milestones in their lives because of it. I pray and only hope that I can one day be at the birth of their babies. My first baby sister is getting married in December and no one in my family is invited. Please keep the Zabas family in your prayers. And thank you for sharing your beautiful story.
Taylor. This is beautiful. And that’s an understatement
This is beautiful! Tears! Thank you for sharing. I have working on surrendering deeper and deeper the last couple of years through major transitions and church planting. Ultimately it is Gods story.
WOW. Thank you for sharing. what an incredible story. incredibly encouraging❤️ God’s plan + timing is amazing to watch.
Such a touching story. So sweet, it brought me to tears! Congratulations Taylor! ❤️
Such a beautiful example of God’s grace and restoration. Your words speak truth and life in such a powerful way. My children are all grown (26, 23, & 20) but your reminder that they’re His and it is a daily offering to give them to Him because ultimately He is the one that will guide and protect them. I needed to be reminded of that. My children were all dedicated when they were babies and He has always watched over them and protected them when I could not. Blessings and peace to you and your beautiful family💕
This teared me up, I felt emotions all over again as I did when my first son was stillborn. A mother’s love is like no other! God bless your beautiful family and Congratulations!
Taylor I cannot stop crying. God’s restoration is so beautiful! So thankful you and Remi are safe! Love you😘
Thank you so much for sharing! I am in tears encouraged to believe for God’s restoration in my own life! Thank you for choosing to surrender so your life can be a living testimony!
Ugh so beautiful! Just cried reading the entire time! He’s a good good father!!
Thank you so much for sharing your amazing story !!! Remi is so beautiful , as Evie and Nnaj are !!! God Bless your beautiful family !!!
I’m a big mess over here!! God’s love and goodness is so amazing, it bring tears to my eyes! Your story reminds me of Ecclesiastes 3:11, “He has made everything beautiful in His time…” Which makes me very emotional, again! So many things happen in our lives that we don’t understand, but with the gift of time that God has given us they come to lay to rest. Bless your family! Thank You for sharing!
Simply beautiful. I’m so happy for you and your family Taylor and wish you continued blessings xx
It is so mind blowing and beautiful to see how God’s ways truly are higher than ours. Thank you for sharing 💗
I’ve followed you a while on social media, and have always admired how faithful and secure you are in your walk with Christ. I don’t have children nor am I married, However just being a witness through the pictures you share on social media has brought much encouragement and purpose into what I can expect when God directs my path to marriage and acquiring my own little family.
This post is undeniably a true testimony of how the works of God are already written , and all we have to do as human is stand strong and say YES to his will, and an abundance of LOVE, GRACE, and Prosperity will prevail around us,through us, and in us.
Thanks again for sharing your story, and being that beacon of light that is spreading love through the encouragement of God’s word .
Continuous Blessing to you and your family …xoxox
This story touched my heart in so many ways, Thank you so much for sharing it Taylor.
10 pm, Amsterdam.
Your story has brought tears to my eyes and warmth to my heart. Thank you x 1000 for sharing with the world! God is so good.
How Beautiful. Isn’t HE a Good Good Father. I’m due to have my 6th Bub in Feb 2018 and as always anxiety hangs around more than wanted, this has encouraged me, HE never leaves us nor forsakes us. Give it to God and remain calm & continue to pray for Peace of mind, body & soul.. Thank you Taylor, such a beautiful story the world needs to hear❤️
Taylor, may God continue to wrap his arms around you, Remi, Evie, Nnaj & your hubby. This is a powerful testimony. May God bless you
God restores and reconciles. I read your story and I am weeping, I remember listening to your testimony first at woman of purpose conference and I bawled. I was in utter turmoil about the loss of your first baby, and I felt your pain, but I also saw God presence through your testimony. And I a read about the birth of baby Remi, I couldn’t help but weep at how He fills with His presence and reminds us He is GOD.
GOD IS GOOD!!!!!!
GOD Is WONDERFUL!!
GOD RESTORES
GOD LOVES HIS CHILDREN!!!!!
Continue to live for the One who loved you before breath was added to your bones!
Blessings,
Your sis in Christ.
This is SO amazing.
Taylor,
This is just in time. I went to the doctor today and just found out that the child I am carrying has no heartbeat. As my body prepares to release something that I have loved so much, the pain and sorrow circulates around my husband and I. Reading your post just brings me peace and love. Thank you so much for blessing me on this tough day and phase of my life. God definitely has His hand on my life, and his love, grace, and peace are immeasurable. Thank you for that reminder.
Absolutely beautiful. You are beautiful, your family is beautiful & your story of Gods goodness is breathtaking. I hope you remember on difficult days that you are a light to so many. You. Your story. Your family. Beauty has come forth. So many blessings to you all, thank you for sharing your story with us!
This story is very similar to mines:). I’m pregnant with my 4th(all via csections) and my dr mentioned the same thing to me about my uterus. I’m due in 2 weeks and praying and believing for a beautiful delivery🙌🏾 God is faithful and His word is true!
Praise God for you and your beautiful story and may God continue to bless your beautiful family!
Wow! Thank you for sharing this. I couldn’t help but read this with tears in my eyes in the power this testimony carries.
Thank you for sharing Taylor, I miscarried two months ago and fell pregnant recently, praise God. I have to choose every day not to walk in fear of what happened, not always easy but I trust God. Thank you for sharing about God and His love and His goodness. So comforting for us who read. So encouraging, God bless you.
This post was beautifully written! Yes, God is a good good Father! Blessings to you, Robert, Evie, Nnaj & Remi and your sister! 🙏❤
SUCH an amazing story, thank you for sharing! Goosebumps reading every line.
xoxo
This has blessed me as a new pregnant mother. I cannot express how much I needed to read your story. Love you and your family ❤️
I can relate to this powerful story in many ways. Thank you very very much for sharing it. God is so good!
You have the ability to tell your story with so much realness and rawness and openness. Thank you for sharing how this day was a revelation of God’s greatness❤️ Much love to you and your beautiful family
Loved reading thank you for sharing. I gave birth to my first born Neve without my husband. He too left on a flight the morning I was in labour. Had contractions but wasn’t sure. Gave birth with 2 beautiful friends by my side. 12.30am she was born and He arrived 6am off a Flight from Hong Kong. We migrated from New Zealand to Sydney So had not one family member around to help. But God chose the timing and those 2 beautiful friends to share that amazing day with me.
Remi is gorgeous 😘 and enjoy those newborn snuggles!
Wow! Thank you for sharing. It brought tears to my eyes. So much joy for you and your family. May God bless you richly.
Taylor, I don’t know if you will ever read this. Your whole story has parts that are just like mine. Other parts I feel is God’s promise to me of things to come. I am going through the most in my marriage right now….Possibly the beginning of the end although I hope and pray that its not. In reading this I do not know what will come but I am reminded again that God is in control of EVERYTHING. He has been. I know like I know that he is/has been and will be.
So from me all the way in South Africa I want to thank you for sharing your life, being vulnerable and honest. Its fun to watch and a constant reminder of the heart of God.
Gratefully Lindy
Every time I read your posts, I cry. Watching you and your family is so inspiring and I thank you for sharing the good, the bad, the in betweens.
Absolutely beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing. I admire who you are. I always look at all these young pastors wives to get some Inspiration. May God always bless you and your beautiful family ❤️
Oh my gosh. You have left me speechless with your beautiful writing. THANK YOU for sharing. This was touching. God is SO good ALL. THE. TIME. Congrats on you & your gorgeous family. Much love from Houston, Tx. We love the Madu’s!
Taylor,
Your story really brought me to tears! I too am a pastor’s daughter and I got pregnant out of wedlock. I had my first daughter on September 23, 2017. Her name is Remi Michelle Robertson! I chose the name Remi because it’s means “the remedy” or “the cure” and that’s exactly what she was and has been for me!! She has been the remedy in restoring my relationship with my family and most importantly restoring my relationship with God. I feel like your Remi was the perfect remedy for your healing, in your words, your “full circle”. God is good and I’m so happy to hear that both you and baby Remi are healthy and whole 💗
Cheryl & Remi Robertson
Thank you for sharing your story, your heart, your fears and your faith. Congratulations on the birth of your little prophet Remi. She’s absolutely beautiful!
Tears at this full circle of restoration, hope and God’s faithfulness! Come ON, somebody!💃🏻
Such A Beautiful Story..I am weeping reading this…Being a single lady in waiting, lately trusting god with his plans for my life considering marriage and children has been tremendously challenging. I know he has a plan, however seeing it as he does has not been a strong suit lately..Thank you for the reminder that its not our ways, but his ways, not our time, but his time and that he does write our love story….💕💖
Taylor, your family is beautiful and I love how you share. Your honesty and vulnerability is beautiful and inspiring. Thank you!
Louise
Wow! I love how your testimony reveals the heart of God. May your life be continous testimony of the father and His love for us!
Love you sister in Christ!
Dear Sister,
This is Devi from Naperville, IL. I know you Thru Pastor Madu when he visited Calvary in Feb 2007 for the first time. I went to Saturday service got so inspired & touched brought an unbeliever (who doesn’t drive) from Schaumburg who was confused about her daughter’s medical treatment to the Sunday service. Ever since I have been following the pastor & listening to his sermons. Today 2:40 AM reading this story overwhelms my heart. So very thankful to read it. My dear Sister, oh! The Daughter of Zion… the LORD has filled your mouth with shouts of laughter. I rejoice witnessing it!!! We serve an SUPER AWESOME GOD! GOD bless you & your family!
This is so amazing. Thank you for sharing your story, Taylor! I got to meet your sister a few years back and she is truly the sweetest person. She took our family photos and little did we know, that would be the last family photo of all of us together, before my grandfather-in-law went to be with the Lord. Then a few years after that, we lost my brother-in-law. The photos she took, were all so beautiful and will be a staple in our home forever.
OMG! This story is so good and so real. Your writing is so beautifully transparent, it had me in tears. It’s so strange to read your birth story regarding Micah. You don’t know me, but I used to attend Trinity Church. I was pregnant with my first baby when you were pregnant with your sweet Evie. I ran into you in the restroom on the night of Girlfriends 2014 and we were on the same week in terms of our pregnancies, but that night was hard for me because i knew my baby was dying. Sure enough a couple days later, i miscarried because Kaleb had too much fluid on his brain and wasn’t growing. I wrote all that to say that I never would have guessed you were carrying around that pain when I saw you then. Our God is a redeemer! And since, God has blessed our family with two sweet babies, Carver and Kamille. So grateful you shared this story; it’s pain and triumph. God bless you guys so much!!!
Just Beautiful, a great reminder that God is good ALL. THE. TIME.
Thank you so much for this story… you’ve reminded me today that Jesus will always restore what we feel is broken. Sometimes in this life it’s so easy to forget the promises God has placed over us because of what’s going on around us. Thank you for reminding me to remember the name of Jesus and the things he has done and the things he has said. Thank you for your authenticity. Thank you for reminding me that Jesus never wastes a painful experience.
Amazing!!! God is so good. Thank you for sharing your story. It is a sweet reminder of His everlasting love and faithfulness! 🙌🏾😭❤️
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